That was almost bad...

So it's been a rough morning. Some stuff happened with Candice and I got pretty frustrated with it. I just had a lot of questions I needed her to answer. I hope she's learned from past mistakes and recent, but not so bad mistakes and nothing will happen like that again. I love her, but I don't want to be hurt again, and I don't want to have to sit back and watch her get hurt again. I think that was the toughest thing about our separation and what made me the most angry in the past, seeing her get hurt and she didn't even realize it. I'm still excited about the 13th of March and moving into our new house. I think us renewing our vows will help with some things tremendously. I know God is going to use us, and satan hates that and he's trying hard to get us to slip up. We just have to be strong and not let the enticing of satan overrun us. I can't wait to see what God is going to do with us. So that's all for now. Family fun time this evening as we are surprising the kids by all of us picking Isaiah up from school and going straight to Chuck E Cheese. It's going to be a great night.

Prep work

So we're still getting ready to move into our new house. Today I'm looking at paint and such to get prices on everything. We want to paint before we move. That makes me nervous because Candice and I both hate painting, and rarely have we actually finished painting a room. I know we'll get it done though. So yeah, just trying to get everything done. I'm a little worried about the move also because we have not started packing or anything. Our schedule is so jam packed, that we don't have time. I keep telling Candice that we need to slow our evenings down a bit, but nothing has changed. We need to start packing now because we have a few hours each evening and that's it. I don't want to be rushed or have to throw everything into bags and boxes at the last minute. That's frustrating to me to think that's what we may do to move...again. We're going to have to give something up one or two nights a week, that's the only option we have. Anywho, I'm still excited about the move and the new house. God is hopefully opening some doors which will help us financially and that will be great. So off to pricing I go. I really want this transition to go smoothly, and I'm a little worried, but no fear, I'll let you know how it goes.

Just some stuff

So there have been some big changes since the new year has come. Isaiah has started preschool, Candice has went back to work and also had surgery on her sinuses. She did so great with the surgery and recovery. It was great being able to take care of her. I had wanted to be able to take care of her for so long. I finally got the chance to do that the right way and show her I love her and would take care of her. It was just great. So on that note, we're looking at renewing our vows on March 20th!!!!! :D I'm so excited about it and she is as well, I can just tell. She has the most beautiful dress picked out, but that means I have to wear a suit. But, a little discomfort for a while to have my wife and me renew our commitment to each other and have a life full of happiness is totally worth it.

I've started playing guitar pretty regular again and I love it. When I play, I feel like I'm 10 years old again and am just having a blast. It's great to have that feeling, I didn't realize how much I missed playing in a band until I started playing with the praise band at church. Plus it's great for Candice and me because music is something that we both love and always get along with and I love playing with her if it's just the two of us or if she's playing drums at church. It's just something great. God gave us both that gift and it's great that we can share it so well. I must add that her singing contributes a lot to my playing, she sings so beautifully people miss my mess ups. I really need to practice more to polish up the gift God has given to me. I feel like if I don't practice to make that gift better, I'm not showing my full appreciation to God for that gift. I just want to play for Him.

Next up is my school, I found this school, West Coast Bible College and Seminary where I can finish my bachelor's degree relatively cheap, and get a degree in youth ministry. I put paramedic school on hold because I would never be as happy doing that with my life as I would be in youth ministry. But on a twist, I am looking at double majoring in worship as well. I just think it would be great to help me with playing and a good contribution to the praise band.

I'm so thankful for Woodland Hills Church. They've all been great to Candice in our struggles, and hers especially. They're a really great church and for the first time in my life, I'm completely happy with church. I don't leave frustrated, I am fed the Word and I get to contribute. It's just great. I just have to give God the praise and thankfulness for putting us here. I wish I could explain it better, but there just aren't words to fit.

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The Love of God

I don't fully understand how much God loves me, or how He loves me.  Tonight at church, Pastor Pat spoke on the love of God and how it was like how we breath.  We inhale and exhale.  From a medical background, I feel like I can go a little deeper with the simile.  Inhalation and exhalation is like the love of God coming into us (inhale) and us showing that love to others (exhale).  When we inhale, we breathe in good air, and in the alveoli, our bodies bring all the components of air into our bloodstream particularly the oxygen in the air.  Our bodies use that air to keep cells alive and functioning properly.  When we exhale, we get rid of the carbon dioxide and the "waste" products of living as far as gases are concerned.  Its kind of like that with God's love.  We take in His love for us, that perfect love that rescued us from our sin.  It's kind of like having a tab at a restaurant and it being paid in full (propitiation) by someone we don't know, can't see, or touch, just because they love us.  Our bill for sin has been taken care of by someone who loves us and that is Jesus Christ, the Son of God, by dying on the cross and taking my sin on Himself.  That's the part that keeps us living.  The part that gives us hope and keeps us excited about Him is the fact that we do have that love flowing through our veins.  The only difference is that instead of getting rid of byproducts, we in turn, show the love that we've been shown to others.  When we do that, and we show grace and mercy to others, especially people who hurt us, we are showing the world God.  Its not easy, nothing about that is easy and it's completely against human nature, but it is what we as Christians should do.  The beauty of all this is that God loves us and we get to show that love to others.  Use it!

As the Beatles sang, "All you need is love"

If you want to read the verses, go to 1 John 4 and 1 Corinthians 13 (a portrait of God's love)

As David Crowder Band sings in their song "How He Loves Us":

He is jealous for me, 
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, 
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. 
When all of a sudden, 
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, 
And I realise just how beautiful You are, 
And how great Your affections are for me. 

And oh, how He loves us so, 
Oh how He loves us, 
How He loves us all 

Yeah, He loves us, 
Oh! how He loves us, 
Oh! how He loves us, 
Oh! how He loves. 

We are His portion and He is our prize, 
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes, 
If His grace is an ocean, we?re all sinking. 
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss, 
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest, 
I don?t have time to maintain these regrets, 
When I think about, the way?

Hello

Hello, this is the first of some blogs to come.  I have been out of blogging for quite some time and need to vent and just get stuff off my heart and so here I am!!!  Hope you enjoy if you read this.  Thanks!